Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
