I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
