Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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