david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
