Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize