I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
