We should be called the Road Head Warriors
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
