I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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