How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
