Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
