if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
