so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
