Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
