someone owes me an orgasm
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And then he peed in my hair
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