I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
