Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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