Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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