Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
