i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I checked into jail on foursquare
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
