i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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