Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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