I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
