i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
