I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
BRING THE BAGELS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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