I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i drank out of a bidet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
