i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
