sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
