Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
