i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
