Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
