guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
