we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
