So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
