i wish my penis had a tongue
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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