just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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