I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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