the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize