Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
