party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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