Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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