We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
