this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
