Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
