My liver just broke up with me...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
