If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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