Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
