Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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