this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this just has baby written all over it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
