Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
