nutella sex= disaster
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
