My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
