that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
