Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize