My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
