Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize