i think i have two assholes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
