well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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