I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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