Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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