i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Text me some of your sweat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
