took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
