Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
