I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
