I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
