i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
