u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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