My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize