Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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