FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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