you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
