I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
