I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
