Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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